Baby B

We learned yesterday that the judge has decided to let Baby B return to his mom for one more chance. She will have to take classes and meet certain goals in order to keep him. Her grandmother/aunt (not really sure what she is) will have temporary foster custody over him. The probable father is more than likely not the father. She was two months pregnant when they met. They are to have a home study done and once the judge decides they are fit we will receive a phone call to bring him to Conway that could be anywhere from one week to a month or more. It all depends on the courts.


I'm not really sure what to think. A part of me is angry. Angry at the system for letting a precious boy go back to the mother who hurt him and neglected him. Angry that she gets another chance when she has already done more to him in three months than most people will have ever known in a lifetime. The sad part inside of me is trying to figure out what I should be doing. I told God yesterday that I wasn't sure I could handle this again. I know I can't but I know He can. So there.

Then there is the other part that is hopeful. Hopeful that they won't pass the home study, or that she will decide she can't do it or screw up before he even goes home. I try not to let that emotion take over because I don't want a huge let down but it's still there.

As soon as I got off the phone yesterday immediately God spoke Jeremiah 29:11 to me. I kept repeating "For I know the plans I have for you," over and over. He knows the plans for us, for Baby H, for Baby B; He has written each day already and is orchestrating a magnificent plan. I HAVE to hold on to that. I can't allow Satan to overcome me with discouragement and doubt. I have seen Him present and faithful in so many ways and I know He will hold me during this time. It's just so hard. It's hard to love on and take care of the most beautiful baby who has been so perfect for us only to know that someone else will get to keep him.

Father, help me to love him and his mom. Help me to continue to pray for them and for your grace and mercy to flow freely upon them. Protect our hearts and fill them with an overflowing peace and love that only you can bring. You are the author and creator, the beginning and the end and above all else YOU WILL BE VICTORIOUS! Praise you!